Monmouth County Family Law Attorney Blog

New Jersey ranks high in family leave for parents

2012-05-15T13:20:34Z

New Jersey father's have something to celebrate this week as the state was named as a national leader when it comes to implementing paid family leave for working parents. This is great news for New Jersey father's as other states are struggling to receive a fair grade.

The study came out this week from The National Partnership for Women & Families and the report provides a comprehensive review of federal and state laws that help new and expecting parents take leave when a child arrives. For couples who are going through a divorce, this gives fathers the opportunity to spend more time with their children after they are born without worrying about losing their jobs. Also, it helps level the playing field in custody arrangements so those fathers that want more time with their younger children, may be granted the time from judges deciding their cases.

]]> The report first came out in 2005 and many states were lagging behind and even today, not much has changed. In 2005 six states received a high grade -- an "A" or "B" and today that number remains the same. Unfortunately 19 states received an "F" grade and today that number dropped to 18.

New Jersey enacted and implemented family leave since the first report and is now considered to be a national leader along with California. New Jersey's neighboring states did not fare as well with Pennsylvania receiving a "D" and Delaware an "F".

While the national ranking is good news, fathers will still need to continue to advocate for themselves in custody situations. An experienced attorney can help navigate the complexities of child custody and develop a plan that benefits the entire family.

Source: Myfoxphilly.com, "Report Details Rights For New Working Parents," May 14, 2012

Former NFL player wins temporary custody of his children

2012-05-11T15:34:44Z

Divorce is never easy and when you add children into the mix, the whole process can become contentious. Being a public figure can add fuel to the fire in these cases and recently, former National Football League star Deion Sanders has been in the media for an altercation with his estranged wife that has led to Sanders receiving temporary custody of his children.

An incident last month has brought the divorce/custody battle into the media mainstream. The latest legal battle started when police were called to the home of Sanders for a domestic dispute. Sanders' alleges that his wife and her friend attacked him in front of their children. His estranged wife denies the allegations and has said that her husband attacked her and she sustained injuries.

]]> The couple appeared before a judge this week and after hearing the testimony from both sides, the judge ordered a restraining order against the estranged wife. She must stay at least 500 yards away from Sanders. In addition, the judge granted temporary custody to Sanders until a full custody hearing is established. The judge also ordered that the children undergo psychological counseling before any final custody decision is made.

Sanders filed for divorce in December, but the couple continued to share their home until the altercation last month. They both were charged with misdemeanor and simple assault charges after the incident and they both were seeking protective orders against each other.

While this divorce and custody case is not resolved, if you find yourself in a similar situation, you should seek the advice of a family law attorney. They understand that ending a marriage is an emotional and complex process, especially if it involves child custody issues. An attorney will determine your options and help to resolve any disputes and will make sure that your rights are protected.

Source: KTVN.com, "Deion Sanders gets temporary custody of children," May 7, 2012

Which divorce process is right for you?

2012-05-02T13:11:32Z

Making the decision to divorce is never easy, but once that decision is made, you then need to decide which divorce process would be best. There are four main divorce processes, with three of them recommended by attorneys. They include: The do-it-yourself divorce, mediation, collaborative and litigated divorce. While divorce may be common, how you proceed can vary widely.

The first type of divorce is the do-it-yourself divorce. While it may sound like the way to go, most experts believe that you should not go this route. Divorce is a legal process and you could hurt yourself in the long run by not understanding what you could be giving up.

]]> The second type of divorce process is called mediation. This is a method where divorcing couples work with a neutral mediator that helps with all aspects of the divorce. The mediator may or may not be a lawyer, but understands family law and divorce. Mediation works best if you both have come to terms with the divorce and don't foresee anything that could stall the negotiations. It can result in a better relationship with your ex-spouse, make the divorce easier on the children, it reduces the cost of the divorce and you both get a say in the decision when dividing assets.

A collaborative divorce is where a couple agrees to work out their divorce settlement without going to court. In this approach, each person would hire their own attorney who understands the collaborative divorce process and they work together in negotiating a settlement agreement. A divorce financial planner could be brought in to work through the financial issues as well as a coach or therapist to work through child custody and other highly sensitive issues. The collaborative process can be quicker and less expensive than traditional litigation.

The most common type of divorce is the litigated divorce. In 80 percent of divorce cases, the decision to divorce is a unilateral decision. This by its nature creates a tense situation and that is why a litigated divorce is most common. While most of these types of cases do not end up in court, they could if there is not agreement on child custody, visitation or other financial matters. In this case, a judge would decide.

Every divorce situation is unique and a person needs to weigh their options carefully.

Source: Forbes, "The Four Divorce Alternatives," Jeff Landers, April 24, 2012

Financial tips to keep in mind while going through your divorce

2012-04-27T19:08:19Z

Once the decision is made to divorce, there are financial issues that should be considered. These issues can cause hardship during your divorce and could make it harder for you to have a secure financial future after the divorce.

There are a few things divorcing couples should keep in mind during the divorce process and they include:

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If you and your soon-to-be ex-spouse are not living together, it's easy to put all of your living expenses on your credit cards. If you can, try and avoid this as it may buy you some time, it could negatively affect your credit history after the divorce. If you are running short on money, you may want to borrow money from family and friends until the settlement from your divorce is finalized.

Pick and choose your legal battles. If your divorce involves fighting over everything, your legal fees could skyrocket. It's best if you can view the divorce as dissolving a union and try to keep your emotions out of it. If there is something worth fighting for you should do it, but fighting over insignificant items just to get the upper hand, is not worth it.

When going through the divorce process make sure that you can keep up with the mortgage or rent payments. If you believe you could be short, make sure your attorney is aware of this so that they can work with you to make sure that your family is financially stable during the divorce proceedings.

Make sure you choose the right divorce attorney for your situation. Choosing the right attorney means that you will get the best result. If you have to change lawyers in the midst of the proceedings, you will end up paying more just to get them up-to-date on your case.

Make sure you understand where you will be financially after the divorce. It is overwhelming for some newly divorced people to take on more financial responsibility on their own. It's best to be prepared about what your financial situation will look like after the divorce.

While the decision to divorce is never easy, once you've gone through the process, you should come out happier and more secure after it is all said and done.

Source: Huffington Post, "Top 5 Ways to Ensure Financial Security During your Divorce," Brendan Lyle, April 23, 2012

New study lists factors that could lead to divorce

2012-04-18T12:59:07Z

Many people still get married even though a majority of people end up divorced. The reason may be that we all want to be loved and fall in love, but there are some factors that are linked to divorce that might help you predict if your marriage may end up in divorce. If you knew what these issues were upfront, you could work to resolve them before making that trip down the aisle.

A new study by UCLA was released that followed 136 married couples who reported being very satisfied after their first four years of marriage. The study would question each spouse periodically over a period of 10 years and would ask them to rate statements about their marriage satisfaction, level of commitment, personality traits, stress levels, problem solving abilities, and how supportive they were with their partners. Many of the skills and traits were rated by the researchers and the couples discussed difficulties that they may have had or were experiencing at the time.

]]> What the study found is that couples that divorced within the next 10 years did not differ from the couples who were happy in the first four years, but they did differ in the following areas:

Couples who divorced had poor communication.
One or both partners displayed negative emotions.
Couples who divorced felt that they were not supported by their spouse.

Although this was a small study sample, it shows that communication and emotional issues at the outset of a marriage may contribute to the success of the marriage in the long run. In addition, when these issues existed early on in the marriage, both partners reported being satisfied with the marriage which is something for soon-to-be married couples to keep in mind. If there are issues going on with communication, they should be addressed up front because they won't go away just because you are married.

While no one can predict with certainty whether their marriage will last, it's probably a good idea to understand that many factors contribute to marriage satisfaction including how happy each individual is with their own life. Understanding marriage satisfaction may help develop ways to repair marriages before they fail or make people think twice before walking down the aisle.

Source: The Atlantic, "What Kinds of Happy Couples Eventually Get Divorced?" Alice G. Walton, April 16, 2012

Proposed legislation would help with child custody issues

2012-04-13T19:50:51Z

Serving our country is a noble profession, but it does involve hardships on the service members as well as their families. And those serving our country that are in the midst of a child custody dispute, have a harder time making a case for themselves that they are good parents. It was announced this week that the House Armed Services Committee is trying to garner support from the Pentagon that would strengthen service members' rights in child custody disputes.

The committee is asking for support of the Family Protection Act, which would prevent family court judges from ruling against service members in child custody cases based only on their past or future deployments. When you are in the military you don't have a lot of say in where you will be deployed -- it can be just about anywhere in the world. Deployments are unavoidable with some service members and the committee believes that a service member should not be judged on only this when awarding primary custody of their children.

]]> Supporters of the bill feel that this would take away any disadvantage that a service member may have and level the playing field when it comes to child custody.

This bill was first introduced in 2008 and has passed the House of Representatives, but it continues to fail in the Senate because of past opposition from the Defense Department. Now, advocates for the bill are hopeful because the Family Protection Act was endorsed last year by the Pentagon.

Not everyone is in support of the bill, but those in favor of it believe that the benefits of the program outweigh the negatives. The potential for a military parent to lose custody because of their job should help pass the legislation.

Source: Military.com, "Law Would Strengthen Troops' Child Custody Rights," Charlie Reed, April 10, 2012

Communication is critical after divorce

2012-04-03T13:16:59Z

Communication and divorce are two things that usually don't go well together, but if you are going through a divorce, it might be a good idea to beef up your communication skills so that after the divorce, your relationship with your ex-spouse can be cordial. This will not only benefit you, but make the transition for your children much easier.

The irony is that some couples divorce because of communication issues, but communication is critical after divorce. Ineffective communication after the divorce can create problems and the adjustment harder for your children. There are a few things to keep in mind to help you navigate the aftermath of divorce:

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Take a step back and think about what is the most effective way to communicate with your ex-spouse. Tailor your communication to fit this approach and realize that the divorce may have changed how you used to communicate.

Your job is to communicate effectively. Be polite and concentrate on being courteous and treat your ex-spouse as you would like to be treated.

Be careful about anything you write or say. Try to avoid issues that could affect your future custody issues and if there is something serious to discuss, set up a time to discuss the topic and set some ground rules. If the divorce was contentious, you may need to contact your attorney or mediator if an issue needs to be addressed or changed.

Treat your relationship with your ex-spouse as a business relationship. Be courteous and to the point and avoid being overly friendly because it may send mixed messages.

Take the blame out of your conversations with your ex-spouse. The divorce is over and you both are taking a new direction in your lives. Attaching blame to everything can make the other person defensive and break down communication. Try to focus on the children and use "I" statements if there is something you want. Remain neutral and constructive.

The divorce is finalized and you both are moving on, but the children you had together need to be nurtured into adulthood. Good communication between ex-spouses can teach children that it is possible to work through issues and still remain on good terms.

Source: Santa Monica Mirror, "Communicating With Your Ex After Divorce," Andra Brosh Ph.D. and Allison Pesosolido M.A., March 25, 2012

Bill inspired by New Jersey dad's international custody dispute

2012-03-29T13:28:44Z

Imagine your child is abducted and taken to another country and you are told you will never see him or her again. It might sound like a Hollywood movie but this happens to thousands of parents each and every year. According to the U.S. State department more than 3,200 cases of abductions involving more than 4,700 children were reported by parents between 2008 and 2010.

A New Jersey State Representative has named a bill after a Tinton Falls, New Jersey, father whose wife took his then 4-year-old son to Brazil never to return. She remarried and died giving birth and the father's five year long international child custody dispute began. The battle to get his son back gained international attention and inspired the legislation.

]]> The bill provides the U.S. State Department with more tools to enforce the Hague Convention on the Civil Aspects of International Child Abduction, a treaty which prevents parents from fleeing with their children before a court determines custody. It was established in 1980 and has been signed by 81 countries. The bill allows the U.S. government to pursue sanctions, such as trade and credit suspensions or a public rebuke against a country that harbors children abducted by a parent.

The bill gives the U.S. government authority to deal with countries like Japan, which does not consider parental child abduction a crime. It was passed by the Foreign Affairs Committee's Subcommittee on Africa, Global Health, and Human Rights last week. Japan is the only G-8 nation that did not sign the 1980 treaty and to date has yet to enforce any court order for the return of an American child reported abducted.

As many divorced parents know, enforcing child custody agreements can be a difficult across state lines let alone across borders. If you are involved in a child custody dispute, or any family law issue, an experienced family law attorney can be invaluable in protecting your parental rights.

The father who inspired the legislation had his son returned to him in 2009 and he knows how lucky he is. Thousands of other parents are not so lucky. The bill still needs to be passed by the Foreign Affairs Committee as well as the U.S. House and U.S. Senate.

Source: The Daily Record, "International N.J. custody dispute spurs legislation for sanctions," Malia Rumon Herman, Mar. 27, 2012

Father wins custody battle

2012-03-23T18:13:00Z

Celebrity divorces and custody fights are in the news frequently, but one in particular had a happy ending for a father who was fighting for equal custody and visitation. The contentious child custody battle was between Padma Lakshmi, the host of Top Chef and the father of her child, Adam Dell.

The two had been involved with a bitter custody battle over their 2-year-old daughter. Dell had filed a suit claiming that Lakshmi had purposely reduced his visitation time with his daughter and he was fighting her against retaining full custody of the child. The two came to an agreement last week and it looks like the battle is over.

]]> A compromise was reached out of court and Dell is now legally recognized as the father of the child and he will be awarded expanded visitation and custody rights.

If you find yourself in this type of child custody situation, you should seek the advice of a family law attorney. They can be your advocate in court to help you gain the custody agreement that you feel will benefit the child. Many issues will be considered in the court's decision including parenting skills to flexibility in working with the other parent. An attorney will help you present your proposed solution to the court in an upfront and professional manner and help equal the playing field. Their goal is to help you obtain a custody agreement that benefits your family the most.

Lakshmi is asking the media to respect her child's privacy and the agreement that was reached.

Source: Eonline.com, "Padma Lakshmi Custody Battle: Top Chef Host Makes Peace With Baby Daddy," Alexis L. Loinaz, March 15, 2012

Bill introduced would require DNA testing of all newborns

2012-03-16T16:02:37Z

There have been many stories in the news about father's who have paid years of child support only to find out that the child is not biologically their child. It's devastating for these fathers and some father's rights groups in New Jersey have been trying to get legislation passed to alleviate the problem of paternity.

Last week Assemblyman Gilbert "Whip" Wilson presented a bill that would require paternity testing for all newborns in New Jersey and those opposed to the bill feel that it invades a person's privacy.

]]> In the legislation, it states that every obstetrician or midwife would be required to collect DNA and other genetic records along with the mothers and fathers of the children. The big sticking point for many besides the privacy issues is that each parent would have to pay for obtaining the DNA sample or have their insurance company foot the bill.

According to Wilson, the legislation is meant to settle fatherhood questions upfront and avoid the situation where a father is paying child support and they really aren't the father. In addition, the legislation would clarify the New Jersey law that people whose DNA tests show a zero percent chance of being a child's parent, can get out of child support payments. Those that disagree with the overall legislation do agree on this part of it.

Fathers' rights groups support this legislation, but acknowledge there are still problems with biological father's skipping out on paying child support, but feel this is a separate issue.

It will be interesting to see if this proposal makes it through the legislature, or if it will be modified and then passed. Either way, there will be those that oppose the decision.

Source: NJ.com, "Bad idea for N.J. to get all babies' DNA," Mar. 7, 2012

Divorce can be costly at tax time

2012-03-07T14:51:10Z

Once your divorce is finalized and you are ready to move on with your life, there are tax issues that should be addressed so you can avoid costly legal fees in the future. Your divorce was an expensive and emotional process and you don't want to add thousands in legal fees just to fix tax disputes.

The tax deadline is just around the corner and many divorced couples will be doing their taxes and could run into issues that could cause them to be flagged for an audit. First, many people try and deduct their legal fees from their divorce. In general, legal fees for divorce are not deductible, but the fees related to protecting your retirement plan are deductible. It's a good idea to have your attorney itemize their invoice so that you can protect yourself from an audit.

]]> Both parties should understand what family support means. If the divorce decree doesn't clearly define support for the benefit of the children or the spouse, it's not clear. For example, if one spouse treats family support as alimony, that is deductible for the payer. If the other person treats family support as child support, the government will flag your returns for an audit.

Complications can ensue when deciding who gets the exemption for the children and gets to list head-of-household filing status. Avoiding this issue can be solved by getting a tax professional involved and they can walk you through the process on how each person gets to claim the appropriate child on the tax return. If there is still disagreement on this, the couple can work with a divorce mediator to help work through the issue.

When assets are divided in a divorce it is important to look at how the tax liabilities will also be divided. There have been cases where it looks like the husband and wife got the same asset values, but one spouse ended up with all of the tax liabilities, while the other pays nothing.

Finally, after the divorce, make sure that you set up alerts when credit lines are being opened in your name. It's sad to think, but your ex does have your social security number and could open several lines of credit without you knowing it. This happens frequently and there's not much to do except take precautions to prevent it in the first place.

Source: The Wall Street Journal, "CONSUMER FINANCE: Don't Let Divorce Cause Years Of Tax Problems," Eva Rosenberg, Mar. 5, 2012

New Jersey divorce rate one of the lowest nationwide

2012-02-28T14:47:12Z

Most people are hoping that the United States is coming out its recession, but the struggles some of us may have faced with our homes and jobs, may have actually helped many keep their marriages together. This is according to data from the Census Bureau, which revealed that the divorce rate is steadily dropping, down approximately five percent from 1996.

The statistics aren't that surprising when families have to consider the cost associated with divorce and being able to sustain two households. Since the recession began, states that had the highest unemployment have seen the fewest couples divorcing.

]]> New Jersey and New York were ranked with one of the lowest divorce rates with an 8.5 percent divorce rate compared with other states higher rates. The data also revealed that older men between the ages of 35 and 54 are getting divorced more often and that more woman divorce between the ages of 25 and 44. In addition, divorce has less of a negative effect on men, compared to women, according to the study.

The study also suggests that the reasons for divorce remain the same. Infidelity ranked the highest followed by communication problems, abuse, financial and sexual incompatibility.

While this study may reflect a nationwide trend, if you find yourself in a situation where you are contemplating divorce, you should speak with a qualified family law attorney. They understand how divorce can be a life-changing experience and can work with you to figure out your assets, custody, and a host of other issues that could come up, and work with you to figure out the best options for your particular situation.

Source: NBCWashington.com, "Divorce Rate Falling Nationwide," John Wist, Feb. 8, 2012

Keeping your divorce civil will be less stressful in the long run

2012-02-22T14:10:27Z

Coming to the realization that your marriage is heading for divorce is never easy, but there are ways for soon-to-be divorced couples to approach their divorce in a more positive way. Whatever the reason or event that led to the divorce, should be addressed, but both couples need to realize that there were probably many signs that their marriage was heading down the wrong path, long before divorce was brought up.

Divorce has changed in the last five years mainly because of the economy. Many couples are separated but have to live together because they can't afford to live apart. More couples are also using mediators to facilitate the divorce instead of taking their grievances to court, which ends up costing them a lot of money. Because of this, many divorces are becoming less confrontational.

]]> There are ways to keep your divorce civil, but both people need to work at it. It is a stressful process, but both need to focus on getting through it. Keep in mind that:

You both need to take care of your health because stress can take a toll on your body.
Seek the help of a counselor to discuss your feelings instead of taking out your emotions on your ex. Reach out to friends and family for support.
Divorce is a process that you have to go through in order to get the life you want.
Consult with an attorney who can ensure that your future is secure financially.
Understand the divorce process by reading books or researching websites.
Avoid making hasty decisions when you are emotional. Take a step back and reflect on how the decision you make will affect your future.
If there are children involved, put their needs first and realize that you have to work together to co-parent in the best interest of the children.

Finally, when the divorce is finalized, the couple should learn to view their ex as a business associate to help avoid emotions that may come up. Both people need to recognize expectations of their ongoing relationship for the sake of their children, and hopefully it will help them move forward to a new life.

Source: SFLuxe.com, "Divorce Detox: 7 Tips For Keeping It Civil," Feb. 20, 2012

NFL player granted modification in child support payments

2012-02-14T14:02:33Z

With the changes that have occurred in the economy, it's easy to understand how modifying child support payments could benefit a father. In the case of former National Football League player Terrell Owens, he was successful in getting his child support reduced to be more in line with his current income.

Owens, who has four children by four different women, went to court requesting that his child support payments be reduced since he does not have a current NFL contract. When he was under contract he was able to make his child support payment obligations which ranged from $5,000 to $20,000 per child per month. But, with no contract, he was seeking a reduction in his child support payments so that he could afford the payments, as well as his other living expenses.

]]> The judge agreed with Owens and reduced his child support payments, which now reflect the amount of money he is currently making.

If your child support payments are becoming overwhelming because of a change in income, then you should speak to a qualified New Jersey attorney that can help you seek fair child support levels that fit your budget. As in the case of Owens, it might be necessary for you to file a modification for the amount of child support you owe each month and your attorney can help you determine the best approach. Bottom line is that your attorney will provide you options so that you can make the best decision for you and your family.

For Owens this was a great win. In addition to the child support reduction, he was also awarded visitation in some of the cases. He feels that this is a good way to start off the new year.

Source: Examiner.com, "Terrell Owens wins big in child support case," Kelly Cozzone, Feb. 6, 2012

Think before you post on Facebook

2012-02-07T14:32:23Z

While the popularity of using Facebook to reconnect with friends has soared, it has also become a common reason for divorce as well as evidence in divorce proceedings.

Some are finding that when they have made the decision to divorce because of a spouse having an affair, more often the affairs have been started with a connection to Facebook.

]]> People looking for proof of possible infidelity use Facebook because it provides easy access to a person's life -- who they connect with and what the conversations have been about. It can have an effect in alimony cases where there is a dispute and it can be put to rest with a little detective work on a person's online profile.

In a recent case, a spouse was awarded alimony, but would not be entitled to it if she was living with a member of the opposite sex. When questioned about her living arrangements, she claimed to live alone. What she didn't count on was that with a little Facebook investigation by her ex husband, he was able to provide to the judge posts bragging about her new relationship status and a recent move to a new home. She then admitted to the relationship and living situation and the alimony was dismissed.

As a father or husband heading for divorce, you need to contact an attorney that specializes in family law and father's rights. An attorney can help develop a plan for divorce and post-divorce disputes such as child custody, parenting time, child support, and alimony. They will become your advocate and help you navigate the complexities involved with divorce and work out a solution that best fits your needs.

The best advice for using social media is to think about what you are posting and realize that your conversation records are out in cyberspace forever.

Source: Pottstown Patch, "Facebook May Be Used Against You In Court, Local Lawyers Say," James Myers, Feb. 1, 2012